


Missing

by sasageyowrites



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27900334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasageyowrites/pseuds/sasageyowrites
Summary: You’ve been missing for three weeks outside of the wall on an expedition that went bad. Very bad. It’s a surprise to everyone when you turn up outside the wall still alive and critically wounded
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 275





	Missing

**Author's Note:**

> Uploaded from my Tumble account sasageyowrites. This was my very first Levi x reader fic lmao

Warnings: slight angst, violence, swearing, mild graphic descriptions of injury, Levi having a mild tea relapse

Also this story is long so be prepared

Disclaimer: I don’t own Attack on Titan or any of its characters (but it would be amazing if I did), I also don’t own you (obviously) or the gif below

Levi sat in his office.

It was dimly lit with candles that flickered in their bronze stands, his reports all stacked neatly to one side to be dealt with later. The rain outside hammering down on the office window like tears the heavens sent their grief and misery onto the unsuspecting world below. The tiny beads of crystal water rolling down the cool glass and sliding to the ground where scouts rushed to get inside, the sky a haunting grey thick with dismal clouds, not allowing the sun any chance to warm the faces of the shivering people.

Levi couldn’t care less about his subordinates rushing past his door to get to the fire places to warm their frozen hands. Instead he took pleasure in drumming his fingers on the polished wood of his desk, the rhythm the only noise he could hear as his fingers continued to move up and down. His chin rested on his other hand, the elbow propped up on the arm rest of his chair, jaw set firmly in a grimace as his mind continued to unrestlessly ponder over the one thing that had consumed his for the last three weeks.

Where where you?

He’d be damned if he said you were dead. Your body left for those brutes, the Titans, to feast on. No you weren’t dead. You had been one of the best cadets he had ever seen although he would never admit it, and you were capable of taking care of yourself. You always had been. But still… the training he provided could only offer so much compared to what actually lay outside the walls. The wooden cut outs of those lumbering beasts was child’s play when up against their actual counterparts.

Three weeks alone outside was a death sentence to almost anyone, even the best of the best could not go that long. ODM gear needed gas to work, how could anyone go three weeks on one canister? Not to mention blades, only equipped with so many and they broke so often…with these facts it seemed almost too likely you were dead.

Levi squeezed his eyes shut briefly, the drumming on the desk intensified as the grip on his chin tightened. No. He refused to believe it until he was given proof. Being unrealistic was not in his nature, but when it came to the woman he loved he was prepared to go as far as believe the impossible. He had a girlfriend, many had conceived that that in itself was impossible, but alas they were proven wrong, they would be proven wrong again.

Still it was hard to ignore the whispers, the rumours and the looks of sympathy he recieved from the other scouts. That you were dead. That you had been lost with your squadron and were never coming back, that his denial was foolish. He would only glare and the whispers would stop, but it would get to him. It always did.

He had so little in this world that he cared for. To have his lover ripped from him as well was more then he could handle, he didn’t want to be alone in the coldness and disparity of what the universe had left to offer him. His life had been no joy ride the only thing that made it worth living was knowing you were in it with him.

It never helped that Erwin was so persistent in trying to get him to sign you off as deceased. The commander begging Levi to look at the facts and have you officially written off, Levi made a small ‘tch’ noise at the thought of his commander pushing him to sign his girlfriend’s death certificate. Bastards. The lot of them.

Standing from his chair he paced over to the window, his half lidded eyes reflected in the thoroughly cleaned glass, the splashes of raindrops mirroring where tears should be falling from his eyes. He wouldn’t cry. He refused to cry over someone who was still alive. He knew that if he cried it would become real, he needed to hang on to the hope that you were coming home, that you would be in his arms again. If he showed weakness, if he bowed to his anxiety and fears it would consume him. He would not allow it.

His thoughts were ripped from him when he heard a knock on his door. He stayed perfectly still, his eyes shifting to where the oak door stood. He really did not want company right now. He didn’t even feel like drinking tea which was serious in his case. Growling to himself he dragged the green velvet curtain across the window to hide the misery of the outside world before seating himself back in his chair.

“Name and business.” he drawled.

“Levi?” a voice called out, it took all his strength not to roll his eyes “it’s me.”

“What is it Hange?” he grumbled.

“I bought you some tea.” she said, her tone missing it’s usual spark and insanity.

“Not interested, now go away I have paperwork.” he replied pinching the bridge of his nose trying to hold his frustration, he knew she was hurting too, he didn’t want to snap he wasn’t in the mood. He knew why she was really here. He hadn’t spoken to anyone apart from Erwin for weeks. Hange would understand his wanted space but only for a certain amount of time before she felt like she needed to intervene. He didn’t want to be told he was being stupid for believing you were alive, because he already knew it.

“Please Levi, I need to talk to you.” Hange pleaded from the other side of the door “I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t be.” he growled “I don’t need your pity.”

“Please?”

“I said no. Goddammit. Just leave me alone Four eyes.” he snapped, his free hand banging against the desk causing the picture frame on it to wobble and fall.

There was a brief silence and Levi selfishly hoped Hange had accepted defeat and walked away. But he knew her better then that. She was friends with you for a reason: you were both annoyingly stubborn.

“(Y/n) was my friend too. You don’t think I’m not ok?”

Lifting his head from his hand he stared at the door where the Section Commander stood behind. He could imagine her standing pathetically outside, a cup of tea in her hands and tears rolling down her freckled face. He glanced over at the fallen frame and reached forward to pick it up, the drawing on the other side causing his heart to skip beats, the breath hitching in in his throat forming a lump.

(a/n idk if they have photos in AOT but just imagine it was taken by those old fashioned ones that seems to fit)

It was a photo taken on your first date. Hange had found an old camera, or so they had called it in the old days, and had decided to capture the moment. Levi could be seen yelling at Hange to stop as (y/n) hid behind the collar of her jacket, the picture was fuzzy and in black and white, but it was a memory that still stayed clear in his head. If he was lucky he would dream about that night, but only in the occasion he actually went to sleep. Levi felt a small yet sad smile work it’s way onto his face as he could recall the fun he had that evening and the many more that came. Maybe…would never come again.

Hange had been one of your best friends. The two of you inseparable, he had realised that she was part of the package deal that came with dating you, although it was a small price to pay if it meant he could wake up to you beside him every morning. He knew you would be angry with him if he let Hange suffer by herself, he had an obligation to Hange for you. Otherwise he would never endure her alone. It’s what you would want. No. No past tense talk. You weren’t dead.

Pushing the thought to the back of his mind he placed the photo onto his desk and stood up from his chair once again, his legs carrying him over to the door before unlocking it and revealing the puffy, red face of Hange. The brunette was a mess, bits of hair falling out of her ponytail into her face, her jacket zipper not done up properly and her goggles swung around her neck. Levi stared at her, his expression unamused as she pushed her way in and placed herself on the leather sofa.

Levi watched her, his hand still resting on the bronze door handle before sighing and closing it shut behind him, returning to his desk chair he chose to not look at her before elegantly placing him self back into it. Hange pulled some tissues from her sleeve and blew her nose, causing Levi to scruch up his own in response. He had cleaned this office every day you had been missing to relive his mind from the stress, he didn’t it want it to be cluttered with Hange’s snot filled rags. He reached down and slid a small waste basket across the floor where it stopped by her feet. He might be distraught over you but that was no reason he would stop being hygienic. Not yet.

“I thought you said you had tea.” he said dryly, she smiled weakly and dabbed her eyes.

“I lied. I didn’t think you’d let me in if I didn’t have any.” she answers her voice thick with snot.

“What did you plan to do if I had wanted the tea?” he asked exasperated.

“Umm…I- I hadn’t thought that far through.” she muttered tossing the slimy tissue into the bin more snot and tears running down her cheeks.

“Tch.” Levi scoffed rolling his eyes and grabbing the tissues from his desk throwing them at Hange, they proceeded to hit her in the head and roll into her lap “at least try to look respectable while covered in your own filth.”

“I just miss her so much…” she bawled, Levi watched her carefully, his heart aching as much as hers but in a less dramatic and disgusting way.

“She’s coming back Hange.” Levi replied glancing back at the photo, his eyes softening ever so slightly “she’s still out there. It’s just a matter of time.”

“Her mission was only supposed to take three days max…she’s been gone much longer…” Hange snivelled, her breathing irregular and loud “we sent multiple search parties by your request and still didn’t find anything.”

“They just didn’t look hard enough.” Levi argued turning away from her.

“Levi…they searched as far as they could.”

“That’s not good enough.” he growled, his fists clenching “if Erwin had let me search too we would have found her…the stupid brat…she can take care of herself alright.”

“I know she can Levi…” Hange answered beginning to calm down, her nose red and eyes swollen as she pulled out another tissue, Levi raised a brow slightly as he turned back to face her rubbing his face with his hand “you taught her well. But, there’s a point when…w-when training just isn’t enough.”

Her voice cracked as another wave of water works over came her, her doe brown eyes brimming with salty tears again grabbing another tissue. Levi countied to watch her, his mind to numb to notice the mess she was making on his leather sofa as she tried to clean it off by rubbing it with her hand only making it worse, she quickly sat infront if it before Levi could notice.

Even Hange, the optimist, believed you were dead. He refused to look at her sorry state, he couldn’t understand why Hange would turn her back on you, one of her best friends. He wasn’t ready to give up hope yet.

“You’re wrong Hange,” he said plainly, she glanced up at him pulling the damp tissue away from her face “(y/n) is alive. You’re failure to continue believing that is pathetic. No other brat has her experience, experience outranks skill and any amount of training. If she doesn’t survive this no one can, not even me. I’m not going to believe she’s dead because we both know she’s not, you just refuse to see past that. You can either sit here snivelling and continue crying like a damned child, or you can grow the hell up. Either way it’s no bother to me, so long as you stop blubbering and telling me she’s gone.”

Hange stated at him, her lip quivering as she held her hands below her face in fists, her body shaking slightly as his harsh and cold tone pierced her wall of self pity and grief. Her fingers shakily pushing her glasses up her nose and pulling the stands of her hair back into place, correcting her zipper and blowing her nose one last time. Deep, deep down she knew Levi was just as broken as her, just as distraught and worried. The man hadn’t slept more then two hours a night at best, she knew he was hurting, he just showed it in his own Levi way: to bottle it up. She wouldn’t play into his fantasy, sure she would help him however he needed, but to continue the facade was going to get him nowhere. Levi needed to let go. She had to tell him now or she never would. She knew she would break his spirit completely, but Erwin had told her to tell Levi, even if it sent the Corporal into a fit of anger.

“Levi…” she whispered, raising her head to meet his steely gaze “the papers were signed an hour ago. She’s legally proclaimed dead.”

His heart froze. His face expressionless. Hange felt scared more then she ever had been. No Titan could ever instill fear like the stiffness and sudden silence of the Corporal. He eye twitching and his icy glare hardened.

No.

No.

No.

No.

It couldn’t be. He hadn’t even filed the report for that, as (y/n)’a direct superior he was the only one who could green light the authorisation. Erwin needed his signature too to warrant her death certificate. He tried to breath, was he breathing? No he didn’t think he was. There wasn’t any air. He slammed his fists down onto the table again causing Hange to jump violently as Levi grabbed his quill ink and launched it across the room, the onyx liquid crashing to the floor sending streaks of it across the walls and floors. He leaned into his hands, tears leaking down his pale cheeks, the droplets landing on his shiny desk as he silently wept.

“Erwin had your authority on it overruled by an official.” Hange continued her voice catching in her throat “she was declared dead an hour ago.”

Levi has stopped listening, his mind no longer functioning properly. His head was light, like he was on morphine, the world didn’t feel real. He was dreaming he had to be, this wasn’t real, it was all one bad dream he would wake soon to find you next to him. He would hear you laugh as he grumbled a good morning, he would smell your shampoo on his bedsheets, he would get to run his fingers through your (h/c) hair again. He would get to wrap his arms around your slim hips and steal secret kisses again and again for the rest of his life.

The tears wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t make them. He wasn’t in control.

“He can’t do that…” he growled wiping his eyes dry, standing uprubtly he grabbed his cloak from the coat hanger and placed it over his shoulders, Hange stood too.

“Where is he?”

“Levi don’t…”

“If you don’t tell me where the fuck he is Four eyes I will see to it that your head is removed from your fucking shoulders.” he barked his reserved persona dissipating. Hange’s eyes quivered as she watched the Corporal’s eyes flash with seething white anger.

“Helping on Wall Maria…surveying the outside…east from here.” she stammered her nerves shot, Levi nodded.

“What are you gonna do?” she asked hoarsely.

Levi opened the door before glancing back at her, his grey eyes holding danger beneath their stormy exterior.l before exiting his office slamming the heavy door behind him. Rushing down the corridor pulling the emerald hood over his raven hair he made his way to the stables to ready his horse.

…

Levi landed on top of Wall Maria pulling the grappling hooks from the old stone wall as he did, causing the scouts around him to jump. Their once bright green cloaks turned an unflattering dark fern as the onslought of rain hounded the freezing humans. They saluted once they recognised who he was, he ignored them, his eyes locked on the tall blonde man before him staring through a pair of binoculars. Pushing his way past the scouts he made his way over, fighting the vicious winds that pulled him back.

“You bastard!” he yelled over the rain, Erwin turned to face the small man, his expression falling into one of distress as he saw his friend march over.

“Corporal, you’re not supposed to be here.” Erwin replied, Levi growled.

“And you’re not supposed to sign her fucking death warrant!” he yelled back, Erwin visibly flinched his eyes glazing over with a dull sadness before he turned away raising the binoculars to his eyes once again.

“It was the best decision, we couldn’t leave an open case.” Erwin responded as Levi cast his eyes to the outside the rain and fog too heavy to see more then five hundreds meters “she’s dead Ackerman. Accept it.”

Whether it was the abhorrent weather or the grief that had torn him apart, maybe it was the slight insomnia, maybe even the admitted tea relapse, Levi didn’t know what he was doing until he had done it. Erwin was sent flying across the ground, Levi’s fist out in front of him his breathing laboured and strained. He watched as Erwin tumbled dangerously close to the edge of the wall, his scouts coming forward to help him stand. The Commander’s face smeared in thick blood, his nose bent at an unnatural angle, the rain washing away any fallen drops of sticky scarlet liquid.

Levi stood straight pulling his arm back under his cloak, his hood having been blown back, his dark hair beginning to be quickly drenched by the rain, the wind howling in protest as it was pushed into high speeds. The scouts helping Erwin up shot Levi curious looks before resuming post. Erwin glowered at his Corporal who stood grounded, his stance passive his back hunched slightly as his shoulders dropped in defeat. It was then Erwin noticed the tears that ran down his friends face.

In the rain it was easy to overlook, but Erwin knew. He could see the tears run down his cheeks and land on the floor, any hostility was swept away as the two men stood opposite each other. The wind billowing through their cloaks, pressing unwanted kisses into their frozen skin, Levi’s fingers curled into fists as he continued to stare at the floor, he raised a hand to his face still covered in blood and wiped it across his cheek smearing himself in Erwin’s blood.

Erwin could only watch. Humanity’s strongest broken before him. Nothing but a man crying for the loss of his loved one. Levi would think he was being weak. Erwin had seen men cry over much less, to see Levi condemned to tears was humbling.

Levi has lost more in under half his life span then anyone person lost in their entirety. Levi has been dealt bad hands since he could walk, the world had left him one good thing to savour, to protect and cherish and just as quickly as it had given it to him, it had taken back. Levi was not weak. It took years of torture before he would ever breakdown, and it seemed that he could no longer bare the weight.

He truly felt he had nothing left to live for.

Erwin’s heart beat faster in his ribs as he watched the stoic man cry and before Levi could protest he was engulfed in an embrace.

He gasped as Erwin pulled him close into his body, the small man too stunned to do anything. He didn’t have the strength to pull away, he didn’t have the willpower. There was no point in fighting the affection no matter how little he wanted it. There was nothing left to do but cry. It was over. She was legally proclaimed dead and despite his stubborness, despite him always believing she was alive, everyone else would speak in past tense about her, they would speak like she were deceased, they would mourn if they already hadn’t, they would give her a headstone, they would truly believe she was gone.

“I loved her…” Levi whispered his voice breaking, his arms by his side as Erwin held him tightly.

“I know.” the commmader replied “I know.”

“Commander!”

A voice tore its way through the wind reaching the ears of the two men who ripped away from each other. The scout who had shouted was pointing to something beyond the wall.

“What is it? Titans?” he yelled back brining his own binoculars up to his face. Levi turned away, his mind to strained to care about what was happening, his hands brushed over the hilts of his swords, his eyes dull and lifeless as he glanced back to Erwin getting ready to return to his horse below.

“Corporal! What do you make of this?” a scout yelled to him, sighing Levi turned around to see the entire group staring out at a dark shape making its way slowly towards the wall. Curious, Levi walked up to the edge beside Erwin who handed him his binoculars, Levi stared at them.

“It’s got to be a Titan!”

“No it’s too small and slow!”

“What else could it be?”

“I don’t know but I’ve never seen a titan move like that, it’s too elegant!”

“It looks…it looks like a horse!”

“There’s someone on it!”

Without hesitation Levi snatched the binoculars from Erwin’s hand and placed them over his own eyes. Looking down to where the others were he could see the unmistakable shape of a horse walking slowly toward the wall, ontop of it was a cloaked figure, the fabric torn and stained in what appeared to be blood. Locks of (h/c) hair were flying out from underneath, the figure slumped in the saddle slightly, one hand steering the horse the other clutching their left side.

“It’s a scout!”

“Can you see who?”

“Not yet.”

Levi felt his heart beat faster, the air suddenly drowning him as a new wave of hope and adrenaline rushed through his veins. He continued to stare through the binoculars as tb figure got closer, it was becoming clearer now. The horse a dapple grey, the rider…the riders hood had fallen back…

“It’s Captain (y/l/n)!”

“She’s alive?”

“Holy shit.”

A strained gasp escaped his lips as he shoved the binoculars back into Erwin’s hands.

“Get those damn gates open now!” Levi yelled is voice echoing into the endless hills around, the scouts jumped to work rushing towards the gates to open them.

Levi could only keep his eyes on your figure as it came closer, the horse picking up stamina as he saw he was nearly home. Levi could see you much clearer now, you were hunched over yourself clutching a great bloody mass seeping though your dirtied white shirt, your scout jacket caked in layers of blood and filth. Your hair a tangled mess as it blew across your face, the wind pushing harder almost causing you to tumble to the ground, clutching the reins tighter you mustered one last kick to your horse’s sides as he picked up the pace.

You glanced up, your joints creaking in protest as your tiered eyes caught sight of the blurred figures standing on the wall. Home. You were back home. Tensing slightly as another gust of violent wind tried to pull you away, you clenched your jaw in pain as your shivering hands tried to put pressure on the huge hole in your side, the blood warm and sticky as it seeped through your shirt, staining your horses grey coat in red.

Your body numb from the cold, your fingertips tinted an ugly purple colour, your joints crying in pain to stop, to just give up. You glanced back at your side where you could see muscle tissue peaking out, the skin torn and shredded where a Titan had tried to devour you just twenty minutes ago. If you move your fingers slightly you could feel whatvfelt like an organ. Your ribs broken and your left toe dislocated. You probably had more injuries that were invisible to the untrained eye, huge black bruises littered your body and your mind was all but shut down.

Your horse made it closer to the gate which was now up, the wall inviting you in closer to the security of your home. Levi was waiting on the other side of that wall. He was probably worried sick, you hated the idea of him not eating or sleeping over you. But you didn’t have time to ponder about your boyfriend’s lack of self care over you, you already knew he would be angry with you. He’ll never let you out of his sight again, he would berate you, tell you the torture you put him through was Hell and then some. You could already hear his voice, you could already feel his warm lips pressed against you own, you could already smell the lemon and mint on his breath. If you were going for die…you would die thinking of him.

Your horse entered the wall, the creaking chains behind you wailing as the gate was promptly ceadled shut. All you could hear was the shouts of voices, the sounds all merging together into a high pitched ringing, you glanced around trying to make sense of what was happening as a sea of green cloaks billowed around you, your head swimming. You could make out a tall blonde shouting orders as everyone rushed around, looking up you could see supply kits being passed around, someone grabbed your horse. You felt a flood of heat make its way through your stomach, a thickness in your throat before leaning forward and coughing blood onto a scout below you, the taste of rust in your mouth as blood dripped from your cracked lips.

“Sorry,” you whispered to the scout now covered in your blood, before a final wave of exhaustion washed through you, your hand that had gripped the reins so tightly finally ceasing their hold and your feet dropping from the stirrups, you fell from your horse into a pair of strong arms.

Glancing up through half closed eyes you caught a blurred glimpse of steely grey eyes, the owner barking orders at the flurry of scouts as he began to walk you away from the commotion. He was saying something but you couldn’t hear him, his voice just a series of low pitched sound as he held you tightly to his firm chest, his arms secured around you promising to never let you fall.

Then everything faded into black.

…

Pain.

That was all you felt. A dull ache radiating throughout your bones, your joints stiff and unbending, your muscles twitching and cramping at the slightest movement. Breathing was laboured, your chest stung at every push and pull of your lungs, the air in your nose and mouth raspy as you fought for the right to breath. Your eyelids were heavy as you tried to force them open, screaming to be closed a few minutes longer. Gathering the last ounce of strength you pushed them open to be greeted by the wooden ceiling of the infirmary, the white hospital sheets around your body preventing you from seeing any of the damage inflicted on your body.

Groaning in agony your bit your lip to prevent a scream was you tried to sit up, bandages covering against every part below your neck to your waist. A faint red stain could be seen on the side and you wondered what resided beneath? Perhaps an ugly scar. You squeezed your eyes shut at the thought as you tried to push it from your mind. You breathlessly leaned your head against the headboard, looking around to see that curtains had been drawn around you to give you privacy. You weren’t going to lie you were grateful they had considered that you wouldn’t want to be seen like this.

The incredible Captain (y/l/n) laying weakened and alsmot dying in the infirmary. What would your squad say? That was when it hit you. They couldn’t say anything. Not anymore. The visions of them being desimated by the titans still ran clear in your mind like an endless river of nightmares. You shuddered violently causing another surge of pain to crash into your system. You brought a hand up to rake through your now washed and detangled hair but found it was caught in a vice like grip.

Glancing down you felt your body relax ever so slightly. Your mind stopped the galavanting thoughts that plagued your mind and slowed, allowing you to take in everything at once. And by everything you meant the man in the chair who’s hand was tightly wrapped around yours.

Levi was leant back in a chair beside your bed, one hand propping his chin up and the other still desperately clutching your own. He was so peaceful, his usual frown and stoic expressions wiped clean, his face just relaxed as he snored lightly, his ebony hair falling over his closed eyes as his chest would rise and fall. You watched him. Your eyes never wanting to take themselves away. The rest of the world falling away as the both of you were left to your own heaven as your eyes bored into his sleeping form, he was here. He was here, sat beside you holding your hand.

It took all your strength not to wake him up, to be joined by his company. But you knew it was probably the first time he had slept in a long while, you had done that to him so you would let him sleep. It was the least you owed him and besides, you were perfectly content watching him sleep. Three weeks you had been surviving the outside world, only your horse for company and you supposed the Titans would count as some form of company, if company meant being seen as an appetiser. You shuddered violently at the memory of being in the trees, trying to sleep as the titans below tried to reach up and climb the smooth bark. You had cited more times in the past three weeks then you had in your entire lifetime, the weather had not been kind either, your fingers almost shattering from the icy temperatures. Food had been impossible to find, you had even considered eating your horse at some points, but he had been loyal and was your only escape from Titans.

You felt your hand grip Levi’s tighter as the horrors came flooding back. The screams of your team mates the feeling of being alone, the world hopeless and against you. You had some nights where you had dreamt you were back in HQ, in Levi’s arms or eating lunch with Hange, or helping Petra with the horses. You had dreamt of the security and family you thought you would never see again. Everyday had been hell. You had been to hell. You had seen hell. You didn’t know if you would ever be prepared to step foot out there again.

“Ah, you’re awake finally.”

Jolting from your thoughts you glanced up to see the nurse, her long white skirts covered in small splayterings of blood, her ginger hair pinned under a nurse cap. She held the curtains back in one hand, a warm smile on her face as she clutched a food tray in her other arm. She set the tray down on the bedside table and closed the curtain again before returning to your side. Another nurse entered behind her, a much younger one with brown hair and bright green eyes.

“You’re awake!” she exclaimed quite loudly causing you to cringe your head still sore “oh sorry, I’ll go and get the Commander!”

You assumedshe was a trainee nurse as she left in a flurry of feet and exited the med wing. The ginger nurse turned back to you a smile on her face.

“Dislocated toes, broken ribs, multiple bruising not to mention slight frost bite and a concussion. You’re a trooper.” she said warmly her brown eyes dimming slightly when she saw that you were not smiling, clearing her throat she continued “the left side of your torso has some serious injury, the stitches can only do so much to hold some of your organs in, the skin will heal by itself but it will leave permanent scarring.”

“What else is new?” you asked pointing to multiple scars that already littered your body from years of training gone wrong and fighting, earning a small chuckle from the nurse as she stepped forward.

“How are we feeling?” she asked softly as she gently took your arms in hers checking your pulse “your pulse is much stronger, it was hardly beating when you came to us.”

You nodded, your head still slightly fuzzy, your eyes glancing over to Levi who still hadn’t stirred. He must have been tiered if he hadn’t woken up at the nurse’s intrusion. You glanced back up to meet her eyes and you could see the warmth in them as she pulled a stethoscope from her apron pocket and leant over you, pressing the cool metal to your chest.

“He’s been here the whole time.” she said softly “he refused to leave your side, it took five men to try and stop him and let the doctors work and even that didn’t prevent him. He must really care for you.”

“Yeah,” you breathed letting your thumb rub against the back of his hand, your heart flittering and the first real warmth you felt for a while spread through you body “what-what happened?”

“It’s quite a story. From what I heard the moment you got into the wall you collapsed from your horse into his arms,” the nurse said glancing up from her report files to where Levi was still sleeping “he stormed the corridors with you clutched tightly in his arms, he was yelling at anyone who got in his way, it was very frightening. He demanded certain medics and he wouldn’t let any of your friends get too close in case the stitches tore or incase they woke you up. You’re a lucky girl, the Corporal doesn’t let many people get close to him but you already know that. He must have been an absolute mess about you.”

“Levi doesn’t stoop to that point, he’s always so collected,” you whispered never letting your eyes off him “He’ll only ever show you what he wants you to see, he’s strong like that.”

The nurse nodded gently as she put her files away and took your aching arm into her warm hands as she began to remove the bandages, you released a subtle gasp and hiss as a jolt of pain was sent surging through your body. Instinctively you pushed her away and you saw Levi stir slightly as you placed a hand over where the pain had come from, a few tears squeaking out your eyes as your side continued to throb.

“Shit, I’m-I’m sorry I…” you panted tensing as another wave of pain coarsed through you.

“I-I’ll get more morphine…we can leave those on for now.” she said calmly as she turned on her heal and left.

“Shit…” you heaved again leaning back into the pillows, the feathers that lined the inside crunching slightly as you rested your head back, the pain ebbing away.

“Don’t you ever do anything like that again brat,”

“You’re awake?”

“I haven’t slept properly since the day I was born, it’s not about to start now.” Levi drawled as he stared at you from where he was sat in his chair, you smiled softly.

“I-I’m sorry Levi…before you tell me how much pain I put you through I’m sorry I-“

“Save it.” he partially snapped causing you to close your mouth as he stood up from his chair “I don’t want to hear an apology. As far as I see it you don’t owe one. I never lost my faith in you, I never once believed you were gone, I wouldn’t let anyone else believe it either. I owe you a thank you for coming back. For coming back to me.”

You stared up at him frozen slightly. You watched as he perched himself on the bed beside you, he reached forward gently grabbing your hair in a fist as he lowered himself down, his nose centimetres from yours, his minty breath hot against your skin, his eyes no longer malicious and cold but filled with the presence of unfallen tears. He leaned in pressing his lips to yours, you didn’t object as you raised a hand up to run over the shaven part of his hair until your fingers became tangled in his thick raven hair.

His body pressing gently into your own as his grasp on your hair loosened and he brought it down to the back of your neck as he pushed your lips closer into his, you let your other hand run up his arm, the material of his white shirt creasing beneath your long fingers to let you feel the firm yet lean muscle beneath.

Gently Levi, pulled away pressing his forehead to yours, his hand holding your head up. He eventually brought his lips up to press against your forehead before pressing his forehead back into yours, his hands gentle with you. You glanced down at the bed sheets where a small damp spot stared back at you, then another and another . The drops falling onto the cotton sheets making small ‘plap’ sounds. Glancing up you felt your heart ache and lurch in distress when you saw him, his face looking down, hidden behind a curtain of hair, his breathing irregular and body trembling, small droplets running from his cheeks onto the bed.

“Levi?”

He looked up, the tears streaming down his face in such an uncharacteristic way you had to double take that you were sure it was him. But it was, his eyes brimming with tears that continued to pour, his face still as expressionless as ever but his eyes telling you all you needed to know. He was letting all his pent up grief and anger out. For the last time.

“Levi…please don’t- don’t cry,” you whispered reaching forward to grasp his hands wiping the tears from his face, you had never seen him like this, it was honestly frightening “I’m ok…I’m alive.”

“They signed your damn death certificate.” he answered his voice not even wavering the tears beginning to slow as he let the last few roll onto the bed taking your hands in his own “you were pronounced dead legally. I was so powerless. I hate that feeling. I couldn’t come to find you, I was the most lost I’d ever felt. What if I never got to see your stupid, beautiful fucking face ever again? You can’t do that to me (y/n), you can’t leave me alone on this world. I don’t have anyone else.”

You bit your lip. You had only ever seen him this vulnerable a few times in his life. It took him years before he felt comfortable enough to show the sensitive and human side of him. He would only ever show you what he wanted you to see, he wanted you to see this side of him, he allowed it to happen and that was a privilege very few got to see. You grasped his hand in your own and raised it to your chest, his eyes watching as you placed it down over the bandages that covered your torso. Clasping both hands over his you let his hand rest there, his eyes never leaving your hands.

“Feel that Levi. Feel my heart beat,” you whispered his eyes softened ever so slightly it was almost invisible, but he could. He could feel the steady beat of your heart below “I’m alive, I’m here. I won’t ever leave you. I will always come back to you.”

He was quiet. Just taking in the steady pulse below his palm, his eyes closing briefly as he began to calm himself his eyes falling back into their natural bored expression, although a small smile rested on his face.

“I was angry at you. At Erwin, at your squad, at the world.” he sighed looking up at you “but mostly myself.”

“Don’t be. The only reason I survived so long out there was because of your training. You always say nothing instills discipline like pain. Your intense, albeit ruthless, training taught me to endure whatever the world threw at me. But most importantly I couldn’t die without seeing you again. You may not know it Levi, but you saved me. Don’t ever think for a moment you should hate yourself for it.”

He didn’t say anything. Instead he nodded curtly before leaning in for another kiss, you smiled into it as he once again buried his lips against yours, a subtle moan coming from him as you ran your hand over his thigh, his own hands gently wrapping around your back, careful to avoid the stitches but you wouldn’t have cared about any pain. His kiss was all the morphine you would ever need.

“Woah cool it you guys you don’t want to send the whole med wing into flames.”

Levi growled lowly at the voice gently pulling away to turn and glare at the group that stood behind him, his grip around your back tightened ever so slightly as Hange, Erwin and Levi’s own squad joined you. A small smile on your face at the sight of your friends, Hange squealed loudly and lunged towards you a cry of protest coming from the group to remind about the stiches but before she could embrace me in a crippling hug, Levi had stood up and reached across the bed, he yanked her back by the collar of her jacket causing her to stumble back into Gunther who caught her. Levi stayed standing beside you shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Be careful four eyes.” he said a hint of aggression in his dull tone as the brunette straightened her glasses glaring at him “otherwise you’ll be the one in the hospital bed.”

“Zip it doom and gloom,” she snapped back as she walked over again in a more controlled manner before wrapping her arms gently around you, giving you a gentle squeeze.

“It’s good to see you (y/n),” Eld said warmly as the rest of the members of his squad nodded.

“We’re so glad your home,” Petra added clasping her hands together.

“Love you (y/n).” Oluo said folding his arms a smile in his face which was quickly wiped off from a cold look from Levi.

“Dude she’s Levi’s girl not yours.” Eld muttered to the other man who blushed a deep red.

“We know you like to pretend to be him but there’s got to be a line drawn somewhere.” Petra teased, Oluo’s face growing redder as he hissed at then to shut up.

“Thanks guys.” you said as Hange continued to smother you “I’m…I’m glad to be back.”

Hange pulled out of the hug pressing a sloppy kiss to your cheek as she continued to wipe tears from her face. Levi rolled his eyes when he saw that your cheek was now covered in her saliva and proceeded to pull a tissue out of his pocket and wipe it off, you felt a blush creep up on your cheeks.

“I’ve missed you so much…the world just wasn’t the same.” Hange gushed “I was so worried I…I even got snot on Levi’s sofa…”

“You what?” Levi said darkly causing Hange to shrink back and cower behind Erwin, you placed a hand in Levi’s arm and he relaxed slightly. He would get Hange to clean it up later.

“Did any of my squad come back?” you asked glancing around at the group, they all looked at the floor any humour in the atmosphere vanishing and a quiet “oh” left you lips.

“It’s ok (y/n), you have us.” Petra said a little too enthusiastically and you nodded your eyes glacing over as a heavy sadness came over you, your throat becoming strained as you tried to hold back the tears.

“None of them?” you asked your voice cracking as you sallowed a lump rising in your throat, your eyes beginning to feel scratchy. Levi placed a hand on your shoulder as you wrapped your arms around his waist pulling him in close to you, he leaned down to press a kiss to your hair.

“We gave them all a service.” Erwin said hoarsely “we just…we need to know what happened.”

“Erwin,” Levi drawled his voice low and warning “not now.”

“No it’s ok.” you breathed wiping your eyes and pulling your face away from Levi’s toned stomach “I don’t really know…w-we were heading back actually from the mission, the forests were so quiet. Not even a bird was singing. You know when you can just feel the trouble before it happens? Then they came for us. A whole hoard of them just running through the forest, it didn’t take them long to devour everyone, I led a small group of us through the thicker parts of the forest hoping to lose the titans, they couldn’t get through quick enough a-and…”

You swallowed loudly to stop another rush of tears as the others looked sympathetically towards you, Levi staring to the side his fist clenched tightly his jaw set firmly.

“Those woods go on for miles. The titans had me turned around and I’d lost my compass in the onslaught. I used the stars to navigate my way back, but I was already so far from home…the titans slowed me down too. My horse… is my horse ok?”

“Tch,” Levi scoffed quietly, of course you’d be worried about the damned horse even though you were lying here with critical injuries.

“He’s fine. He’s exhausted but he’ll be fine.” Erwin said and you nodded settling back into the pillows “(y/n) I want you to know that no one expects you to go back out there. You can train the cadets if you desire, or you can help with things around the walls. We will all understand.”

“No.” you said quickly “I became a scout to help keep humanity safe. I’m not going to stop now. I thought I would give up and die out there, if I can help protect people I will. Otherwise my squad died in vain.”

“(Y/n)…” Levi began but you cut him off, glaring up at him.

“I’m not giving up, I’m going to go back out there when I’m ready to. As soon as I get given the green light you’ll see me be the first on my horse. I don’t care what you say, I have to keep fighting. It’s something I’m not going to stop.”

You heard Levi sigh heavily through his nostrils, you knew there would be an argument about it later but for know he knew that you needed rest and little to no mental strain. You were positive he would try to stop you whether it be delaying your report for release or making you train longer then needed, you had no doubt Levi would have strong input in your decisions. If he did let you go you knew he would be damned if you went without him.

“Think about it.” Erwin said warmly, you nodded although you were sticking to your own mind.

“I have morphine and… oh my that’s a lot of people.” the nurse said as she returned, a tray of needles in her hands as she stepped through the crowd “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask some of you to leave.”

“We understand,” Erwin said “let’s go.”

The others nodded and left uttering their goodbyes as Hange enveloped you in another hug, Levi having to pry her off to let the nurse near you and demanding she clean the snot from his sofa. Levi sat back down in his chair, the nurse threw him a look about to open her mouth but he promptly glared at her and she closed her mouth deciding that askin ghim to leave was out of the question. Asking for your arm as she raised the needle up and inserted it into your skin, a sharp pinch of pain and you felt the morphine inside squelch into your system as she dabbed a tissue over the spec of blood.

“What’s that one?” you asked as she raised another needle, Levi watched her carefully.

“It’s a sleeping drought,” she said softly “you’ve been asleep for forty eight hours, you need more rest.”

You nodded as she injected it into you before cleaning up and walking away. You lolled your head over to where Levi was still sat, your hand back on his as he watched you through half lidded eyes, his face just as straight and unsmiling as ever. His thumb rubbed the back of your hand as your head became less clouded, your eyelids growing heavier.

“You’ll be here when I wake up won’t you?” you asked lazily as the sleeping drug kicked in, your muscles becoming heavy as a wave of exhaustion waged over you.

“I have no where better to be.” Levi said dryly and you managed a small laugh.

“Hard ass.” you whispered as your eyes finally closed allowing your mind to be at ease for a few more hours but not before catching a glimpse of Levi smiling to himself and muttering:

“I love you brat. But if you ever die on me, I’ll make you lick my boots clean.”

You only rolled your eyes before falling into a deep sleep. Levi never left your side.

…


End file.
